he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
