Dual....:-)
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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