and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
organizing the empties. That sober.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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