We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We have started to decorate penises.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize