i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
