You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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