Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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