well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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