She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
