I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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