fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
