When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
