Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
