stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
