I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
