were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
