Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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