Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize