Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
