Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
