How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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