The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
