..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
