He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
