That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sex in the backyard? Check.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
