too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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