I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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