I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Welp...herpes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
