she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
