that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize