The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
