I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
