I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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