It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm really busy with my period
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