I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
