when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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