i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
