he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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