Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
