she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
