im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
