Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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