Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
