i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
