im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
