Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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