she was so not down for the gang bang
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im part way to drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
