im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
