Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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