Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
