The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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