I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
