My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
