I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
