I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
