I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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