dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
