I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
