and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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