Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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