so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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