I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize