Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
