I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize