You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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