well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
