Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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