Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
