So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
