I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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