Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
