I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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