New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
