Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
