Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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