there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
