how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
